Lost Chances
by Ayeesha
Summary: What do you do when you lose the one you love? Contains spoilers for S2 Episode 6 'I Wish I Could Forget You' SusanMike
1. Lost Chances

**Title:** Lost Chances

**Author:** Ayeesha

**Rating:** T

**Pairing:** Mike/Susan

**Timeline:** Set after season 2 Episode 6 'I wish I Could Forget You'. Contains spoilers from that episode.

**Summary:** What do you do when you lose the one you love?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters mentioned in thsi fic. They are the property of Desperate Housewives, Marc Cherry,ABC and Touschstone Television. This fic was written purley for entertainment purpsoses.

**A/N:** Warning will deal with suicide and death. Don't read if this offends you. Fisrt part is mainly Susan's POV. Italics represent flashbacks.

**A/N:** Thanks to Skylinechick07(LiLi) for her continued support. You rock girl. Feedback is appreciated let me know what you guys thought.

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**Chapter One:** Lost Chances

I sit in the darkness of my bedroom staring intently into the wide openspace in front of me. It's been almost two weeks, fourteen agonizing days since I lost him the man that I love.

I have been sat in this room almost everyday refusing to leave the house. What was the point? I had nothing to look forward to now that he's gone. I cry everyday in the darkness nothing keeping me company except my own broken shadow.

Day after day my friends come by to see me. I refuse to talk to them to hear the apologetic tone in their voice as they tell me that everything will be all right, that I have to give it time. Nothing will ever be the same again.

I look at the telephone beside me. I have been calling him but he refuses to pick up or even call me. I yearn so badly to hear his soft soothing voice telling me that he understands and that he forgives me. I want to hear him say those three little words 'I love you' as I lay wrapped up in his embrace. The tears slip freely down my face the familiar pain filling my entire body.

"_Hi I'm Mike Delfino I just moved into the Simms house across the road."_

The first time I met him my heart literallystopped. Here he was the most gorgeous man I have ever met and he was talking to me. I remember the way his hands fit perfectly into mine. I wanted to know this man better there was something special about him.

_"Hey so I was just wondering I have two tickets for the movies and I was wondering…I mean..if..you wanted to go."_

Mike had come to my house one day smiling brightly. It was after he had come to pick me up after my disastrous date with the cop and we had shared our first kiss in his truck. A kiss that was full of promise and longing. Mike was so nervous asking me out. I pulled him greedily into the house pressing my lips urgently against his. I sucked on his soft lips silently begging entrance to his mouth. He let his tongue duel with mine eagerly.

I wiped the tears from my eyes the memory coming back in flashes.

Susan heard a soft knock on the door and gently got off the soft bed.

"Mom please open the door," pleaded Julie on the other side.

"Julie I'm fine," she lied slightly opening the door.

"Sweetie please come downstairs and eat something," begged Sophie walking into the room followed by a concerned Julie. Julie looked at her mother's sad forlorn gaze and felt her pain. It hurt to see her like this empty and broken.

"Mom please come downstairs," she whispered gently.

Susan walked back towards the bed and gently sat down.

"Can you just leave me alone?" she asked sadly. "I don't want anything to eat or drink. I don't want to come downstairs and pretend that everything will be okay. I just want the **one **thing that I can never have again. I want my Mike."

Julie walked towards her mother gently sitting down next to her. "Mom please call him and explain."

Susan looked up her eyes shining with tears. "I've tried Julie, I betrayed him and now he doesn't want to know. I've lost him. I've lost my chance," she whimpered.

Julie took her mom in her arms gently stroking her back in comforting motions.

"Can you just... I just want to sleep please," asked Susan. Julie nodded her head sadly and placed a kiss to her mother's forehead before leaving the room with Sophie.

"I love you both," whispered Susan silentlybefore they left.

I love Julie so much she is everything I could want in a daughter, smart, caring, beautiful and compassionate. She has always been there for me through everything but I know slowly I will start to lose her. She will go with Edie and Karl. Why would she want a wreck like me for a mother?

I pick up a small wooden box beneath my bed. The box holding memories of a love lost. I slowly open it to peer at the contents inside. There are pictures of the two of us in various stages of our relationship, pictures of Mike and me kissing, laughing, and smiling without a care in the world. We were complete we had love and most of all we had each other.

_"I know you got a lot of questions and I also know I don't wanna lose you."_

That night when I thought I had ruined my chance with Mike. The night he came over and perfectly expressed his feelings for me. I will never forget that night or any other we shared. That night our bodies and souls became one. He was so gentle and passionate making sure that not one inch of my skin was neglected. I needed him with a passion that I never had for anything before. The night was perfect everything I could have wished for.

I look in the box picking up the blue shirt within it. I hold it to my lips breathing deeply. I can still smell his unique scent the one that surrounded my body each day and night. I slip off my simple silk nightgown and slip my arms through the sleeves of his shirt buttoning it softly with shaky fingers. I can almost feel his arms over my own encircling me.

_"Susan have you seen my blue shirt?" asked Mike coming into the bedroom. Susan looked up and smiled at him sweetly. He looked at her as she sat on his bed in the shirt reading some paperwork._

_"You mean this one?" she asked innocently._

_"That's the one," smiled Mike coming to sit on the bed with her._

_"Sorry baby I got cold," she replied. Mike eyed her lustfully._

_"Don't be it actually looks better on you," he whispered. Susan looked at his naked chest gleaming with droplets of water left over from his shower. She traced them with her fingers._

_"So can I keep it?" she asked playfully moving forward and placing a soft kiss against his chest._

_Mike nodded his head as she looked at him joyfully. She moved back on the bed seductively lying on her side unbuttoning the top three buttons. Mike immediately started to react watching the beauty next to him. He expertly moved his hands to her smooth legs and then slowly underneath the shirt to caress her bare stomach. She felt him pulling her forward and eagerly straddled him their lips meeting in a kiss._

_She kissed a path down his neck to his chest. Her nails teased his skin as she explored his body with her lips, tongue and fingers._

_"I thought you had a job to get to over in Greenwood," she murmured biting on his nipple._

_"Screw work it can wait," he murmured huskily. He pulled her up to him his open mouth sliding along her neck and with skilled fingers he unbuttoned the shirt._

I wipe the tears flowing freely down my cheeks the hot trail stinging bitterly. I am so stupid. I didn't mean to hurt him. I should have told him the truth from the beginning. He would be here with me now. I miss his smile, his eyes, his beautiful face.

_"Susan I love you."_

I love him so much I know I can not cope, not without him by my side, not without my Mike. I pick up a small photograph and gently trace the image of his face.

_"Susan you said that you wanted to help me and I believed you. That's it we're done."_

I can hear the anger in his voice each night I go to sleep. I see his broken face the tears he tries to hold in.He's not going to forgive me not ever. The nightmares plague me watching him drive away from Wisteria Lane away from my heart. Why did I fall in love with him? If I never met him then things would have been simple. I don't regret any moment I have had with Mike. He truly was the love of my life.

I pick up a small notebook writing my beloved a simple note, the tears dropping loudly onto the paper. I kiss the photograph softly and pull out a bottle of pills hidden underneath my pillow.

"I'm so sorry Mike. I love you so much and I'm not strong enough to survive without you. I love you my beloved angel."

I open the pills contemplating over my lost chance blearily I take the first couple of pills and then some more till my exhausted body gives way and I crumble gentlyon the bed.

**TBC**

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So what did you think? Feedback please. Thanks for reading. Part 2 soon. 


	2. Making It Right

**A/N:** Thank you for your reviews. Here we go chapter 2. Hope you like it.

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**Chapter 2:** Making it Right.

Mike was driving back towards Wisteria Lane. He had been gone for fourteen days looking for Zach and just getting away from the hurt and betrayal.

The last time he saw Susan was still fresh in his mind. Her beautiful figure standing in front of his truck blocking his way as she tearfully begged him to forgive her. He had wanted to run out there and comfort her in his arms but he couldn't his stubbornness won over. He was angry with her for coming between him and someone who may possibly be his son.

He tried hard to fight back his own tears as they threatened to spill down his cheeks as she brokenly told him that she loved him. He reversed his truck and sped away looking back in his rearview to see an empty Susan calling out to him.

Mike didn't know what to do. How could things between them have changed so much? They were talking about marriage and their future not long ago and now all their dreams were lost. Their chances were gone. What was he going to do once he got back home? Would he go and see her? He looked at the road in front of him; darkness was beginning to fall filling the depths of his heart with unease and sadness.

The ringing of his cell phone disturbed him from his thoughts. He picked it up looking at the screen. Should he answer it? What if it was Susan again? She had been calling him on and off nearly everyday but he refused to talk to her not until he cleared his mind. He wanted at times to hear her voice so badly but knew that if he did he would break down. He threw the phone onto the passenger seat harshly but the ringing persisted refusing to stop. 'Stop it just go away' he pleaded softly.

His please however were not met as the insistent ringing filled the silence of his truck. Mike hesitantly reached towards the phone and picked it up. "Hello."

"Mike," came the soft reply.

"Yeah, who is this?" he asked hearing the tearful voice.

"Mike its Julie." He immediately stiffened in his seat. Why was she calling and at this time of night? Thoughts raced through his mind.

"What is it?" he whispered hoarsely.

"It's mom." That one statement caused his world to crash down around him. He threw his phone down and sped off in the opposite direction, tires screeching loudly in the hush of the night.

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Mike ran through Fairview General Hospital crashing into gurneys and dodging people along the way. He made his way towards the nurse's station slightly out of breath.

"Susan Mayer," he asked urgently.

The middle-aged nurse looked at him with disinterest. "Who are you?"

"Look just tell me where she is?" she asked frustrated.

"Are you family?" she asked getting irritated by his rudeness. Mike looked at her in disbelief.

"Yes I'm her boyfriend. Now where is she?" he growled.

"Mike." He heard a soft voice behind him and turned around to see Lynette stood there with Gabrielle a tray of coffee between them. Their faces were red and eyes swollen from crying. He walked towards them sadly.

"Lynette, Gabrielle. Where is she?" he asked gently.

"What the hell are you doing here?" asked Gabrielle looking at him bitterly.

Lynette gave her a stern look. "Gabby please." Mike was taken aback by the bitterness coming from Gabrielle.

"So what if Susan paid that psycho Zach to leave town. Are you surprised he held her hostage for almost 8 hours or had you conveniently forgotten that? You are supposed to be her boyfriend. You're supposed to love her. If anything happens to Susan then it's all your fault," continued Gabrielle sternly.

"Gabby please that's enough," spoke Lynette trying to ease the situation. She turned to look at a defeated Mike. "Come on Mike, she's this way."

Mike followed as they continued to walk in a dreaded silence. Mike looked at the bleak surroundings. He wasn't a big fan of hospitals they seemed suffocating in a way. Susan didn't deserve to be here she deserved to be at home with him. Gabrielle was right if anything happened to her he knew he would never forgive himself.

He saw Julie sat in the corner of the waiting area looking lost and devastated. Bree, Sophie and Julie looked up at the sound of footsteps.

He waked towards Julie and collapsed next to her, slowly pulling her into his arms trying to bring her some comfort and hoping to receive some in return. Julie pulled away from Mike as he knelt against the wall for support. He tried to speak but words refused to leave his mouth.

"What…what happened?" he finally asked clearing his throat.

Sophie explained how she found Susan in her room. Mike listened sadly. A lone tear escaped from underneath his closed lid and ran softly down his cheek. 'Where had everything gone wrong?'

A doctor approached them cautiously. "Are you the family of Susan Mayer?" he asked looking at each of the sad faces.

Mike stood up from where he was sitting on the floor swallowing roughly. "Yeah how is she?"

The doctor turned to face him. "We managed to get the toxins out of her bloodstream. She didn't take a lot thankfully. I think she was trying to feel numb get rid of the pain, she didn't want to kill herself. However she remains unresponsive and we have kept her under close observation. Unless she wakes up we won't know the full extent of the damage done."

Mike watched as Julie turned to Sophie for support. He fought back his tears, "Can we see her?"

The doctor nodded his head. "Yes but only a few at a time. She's in room 412."

Julie looked at Mike searching his eyes. "It's okay you can go first," he whispered. Julie nodded her head gratefully before making her way towards the room with the girls in tow. Mike slumped down in a chair one question racing through his mind. 'Had he let everything slip away?'

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Mike watched everyone through hollow eyes. They all seemed to be looking at him pitifully. Did they know what a jerk he was? How he treated Susan? He stood up as Julie made her way towards him wiping her eyes softly.

"You can go in now," she said avoiding his eyes. She handed him a small slip of paper asking him to read it. Mike made his way towards the room each step feeling like a milestone. He slowly opened the door taking a deep breath; nothing could have prepared him for what he saw next. Susan was lying there in a big hospital bed. It almost looked like she was sleeping had it not been for the IV's next to her.

Mike didn't know what to do. He pulled a chair next to her bed and sat down gazing at her sorrowfully. He felt his heart clench as he replayed what happened between them knowing that he didn't mean what he said. How could he she was his life. His heart. His soul. He wanted her to wake up so he could tell her this and tell her how sorry he was. A choked sob escaped his throat as he laid his head on the bed next to her.

"Baby please wake up," he whispered tears masking his entire face.

Mike gently unfolded the piece of paper Julie had given him. He opened it to see Susan's handwriting. He read the words quietly.

_**Mike,**_

_**I'm so sorry for everything. I sometimes think it would have been so much easier if we never met. But I am so thankful that you came into my life and we made such beautiful memories together. At least they were for me; I hope you feel the same. The memories I will cherish forever.**_

_**I know you feel hurt, betrayed even but you have to believe me when I tell you I never meant to hurt you. I was trying to protect Julie. But I did end up managing to hurt you. The look on your face as you looked at me through the window of your truck. The image still haunts me every night. I know that you may never forgive me but I hope one day you can understand. **_

_**I love you Mike and I try to stop and get you out of my mind but I can't. I will always love you.**_

_**Yours forever**_

_**Susan**_

Mike's tears silently dropped onto his hands as he re-read the letter.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you. I know what you did was for the best. You were trying to protect Julie and I understand." He looked at her face seeing no reaction.

His voice cracked and more tears formed in his blue eyes. "You have to wake up baby, please for me. Hold on. You have to pick out a wedding dress. I don't know…what I would…do..without you. Your hair." He ran a hand through her soft locks.

"Your amazing smile, the laugh of yours that can light up a room. Your beautiful face, your nose, your lips," he murmured tracing her features lightly with his fingers. He took her warm hand placing it in his own. "I love you," he whispered before laying his exhausted body down next to her.

Outside the room Julie and the rest of the girls watched from the window there was no doubt left in their mind Mike Delfino really did love Susan Mayer.

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Susan moved groggily on the bed. She blearily looked at her surroundings. It looked like she was in a hospital she felt a soft pressure on her right arm. She looked down to see a mass of soft brown hair sleeping next to her. 'Who was this person?' She moved slightly disturbing the sleeping form her eyes widened in disbelief as she saw the tattoo on his arm. It was Mike. 'What was he doing here?'

She noticed the pain etched across his face and quietly reached out to touch his face. He stirred beneath her touch and she instinctively moved her hand back and turned away facing the wall. She couldn't face rejection not again.

Mike gently opened his eyes remembering where he was. He frantically sat up. A painful moan came from the room. Mike turned his eyes to see Susan eyes wide-awake looking at the far end of the wall. Her eyes filled with unshed tears.

"Susan," he whispered gently. She turned around to the sound of his voice. She looked at him soft hazel eyes melting with his beautiful blue ones.

"Oh Susan," slipped from his lips as he moved towards her taking her in his strong arms burying his face in her neck. She sighed breathing in his scent it had been so long. Her arms hung limply at her sides and she remained unresponsive. Mike pulled back to see the tears make their way down her face.

"Why did you leave me?" she asked dejectedly. "You just drove away and left."

Mike heard the pain and anguish in her voice and felt his own composure breaking down. "I know and I am so sorry."

Susan looked at him. He looked tired she wonderedwhen he had last slept. Mike met her gaze miserably.

"I know baby you were trying to protect Julie. I acted harshly. I was angry and I…You have forgiven me for so much, my past, the lies, hell you even forgave me for taking Paul Young hostage and I let you down," he cried quietly.

"Seeing you here and knowing that I might lose you I realized that nothing is worth losing you over. I don't want to be without you. I want you in my life. I need you in my life."

Susan placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm so sorry…I didn't. I know you may never forgive me but…"

Mike took her hand gently kissing it. "Shhh there's nothing to forgive. You had every right. I'm the one that's sorry."

Susan placed her lips against his in a kiss that was desperate full of longing and pain. Mike responded hungrily tenderly sucking and biting on her lips. Susan eventually pulled away gasping for breath. She looked at him sadness and a hint of joy in her eyes.

"Are you really here?" she whispered almost afraid of it all being a dream. Mike nodded sombrely and pushed his face into her stomach finally allowing himself to cry once again. He didn't think he would ever see her again. Susan hugged his head to her body. "Shhh it's okay."

Mike looked up tearfully his eyes red from crying. "I love you so much. Whatever happens I will always love you," he declared honestly. "You're a part of me," he continued taking her hand and placing it across his heart. She smiled at him brightly; it really was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

"I don't know what I would do without you."

"You'll never have to know," she replied happily pulling him in for a passionate kiss. Mike stood up gently overshadowing her body as he kissed her back drawing her tongue out to duel with his. The familiar taste of her consuming his whole body. He pulled away placing kisses along the nape of her neck. Susan moaned as his stubble grazed against her soft skin. She pulled him closer moving on the small bed trying to offer him more access.

They heard someone entering the room loudly clearing their throats. They both turned towards the door.

As beaming Julie ran to her mom pulling her into a hug as Sophie stood next to the door smiling at Mike. Susan tearfully embraced her daughter. Julie pulled away smiling at both her mom and Mike. "So does this mean things are back on between you?"

Susan nodded and buried her face in Mike's neck. Unable to contain her excitement Sophie squealed and clapped her hands excitedly. They all turned to look at her. Mike turned to Susan kissing her warmly.

"I'll go and get some coffee. Let you catch up," he explained.

"Don't be long," replied Susan. Mike offered her a small 'I won't' smile. Sophie joined Julie and Susan on the bed. Susan watched him leave she knew as long as she had Mike there was nothing they couldn't get through. After all they loved each other and had a promising future to look forward to.

**The End**

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There you go guys short but sweet. Let me know what you thought. Chapter 11 to 'Race Against Time' will be up later today or tomorrow. Thanks for reading. 


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